Axed
by Aquatic-Idealist
Summary: Boyd goes on strike and the Greil Mercenaries are divided into two camps.  Can Ike reunite the party and be as great as his father, or will he fall flat on his face?
1. Cocky

Fire Emblem: Axed

Chapter 1: Cocky

A tranquil and rare silence gave the Mercenary Fort a calm aura, until...

"Ike... Ike! Ike, where are you?!" Mist yelled as loud as she could.

"Urg... Yes, Mist?" Ike groggily exited his quarters.

"Ike, something's happening at the east barracks! Ike, you've got to check it out!" Mist stammered, clearly worried about something.

"Ok, ok... I'll go. Just simmer down." Ike yawned. Mist was acting a lot more impatient and bouncy lately, just like Jill was. Gah, Jill was annoying, always acting in such a firey manner. She was a bad influence on Mist indeed.

As Ike slowly walked over to the east barracks, he found Boyd with an axe on his shoulder. Shinon was there too, along with several other new recruits.

"What's going on, Boyd, Shinon?" Ike asked.

"Ike, you pay us way too little." Boyd began.

"So?" Ike yawned.

"So we're not going to help you anymore!" Boyd yelled.

"What's that supposed to mean? You need my pay to feed your bellies." Ike snickered.

"Well, we don't care, cuz we're going on strike!" Shinon snapped.

"Wait..." Ike began, but before he could do anything, Boyd shouted and the entire assembly behind him began to draw their weapons and cheer. They surrounded the east barracks, and refused to let Ike enter it. Ike, nonchalant and cocky, yawned and walked back to his quarters.

The next morning, Ike noticed that there was much less food set on the table. "Oscar, Soren, do any of you know why breakfast seems so mediocre?" Ike asked.

"Boyd raided our granary, and Shinon convinced many of the cooks we hired from our winnings in the last war to defect to their place." Oscar replied matter-of-factly.

"Wait, what place?" Ike asked.

Soren sighed: "A third of the fort is their's. They've taken the east barracks and our armory. They've even given themselves a new name."

Ike's eyes widened: "What?"

"The Shinon club."

Ike burst out laughing: "And Boyd's their leader?"

"Well, let's just say that Shinon had to have it his way in order for him to remain Boyd's advisor."

"Oh, well, we'll beat them anyways. I took down Ashnard. What makes you think I can't deal with losers like them? I mean, I already have control over all you nobody's!" Ike laughed as he pointed at several of the new trainees.

Of the nine that were there, five stood up and walked out the door.

"Good going." Soren sighed.

"Now, Ike, Commander Greil would never let this happen. You have to be like your father and reunite our two camps. Otherwise, the Greil Mercenaries have fallen apart." Rhys spoke.

"Yeah, yeah. Shinon could never beat me." Ike rolled his eyes.

"Ike! That attitude is what made our two groups split in the first place! Pull yourself together!" Titania scolded him.

"Oh, you're right, Titania. Let's give Boyd and Shinon a good whooping." Ike yawned again.

---------------------------

Boyd and Shinon were leaning back in their chairs, toasting the many former members of the Greil Mercenaries who joined them. "That whelp paid you lousily and he can't lead, so I'll do it for him. Now I..." Boyd glared at Shinon, who snapped his mouth shut.

"What Shinon meant to say was that I, the founder, would, uh, make you guys richer by stealing whatever we need from Ike's side of the fort. I mean, we will have to move out later, since Ike's so close, but, what the hey, we can still freeload off of them!" Boyd raised his axe.

"And we better get us some women too." Gatrie snickered. "..." Nepheene glared at him. "What, darlin'? Say, mind if we go to the back later and..." Nepheene slapped Gatrie, forcing him to be silent.

"Anyways, I would not be here had Ike not tried to contact me. I had errands to run in Daein, but no, he had to ask for my help. But when I come, he treats me like a mindless soldier, and has me risk my life just for a few gold coins. Seriously, who does he think he is, some major hotshot? We're the ones who worked hard and thus made him famous, not him alone!" Zihark sighed.

"I shoulda' went back to farm, but I fell for his trick too." Nepheene sighed in agreement.

"Why did I fall for that... that beorc's pathetic ploy? He asked me for his help, then steals an article of my clothing and threatens to blackmail me, saying that I had an affair with Rolf when I was here. I can't go back to Gallia now, people will call me a harlot! Curse that hu... Beorc! I'll be glad to help you tear his head off!" Lethe snarled.

Shinon smirked: "And with you guys, we can make that whelp pay!"

------------------------

"Ike? Nine more of our members have ran off to help Shinon."

"Oh, great, Soren, ruin my day, will you? Buzz off, I'm playing chess with Oscar." Ike yawned.

Soren shook his head and muttered something about 'incompetence' as he walked away.

-------------------------

Three hours later, Ike was still playing another game with Oscar.

"Ike, I'm leaving." Mist spoke.

"Huh? Oh, it's you, Mist."

"Why don't you even care anymore, brother?!"

"Well, because I know you love me." Ike smiled.

"You're such a jerk, Ike! You think that because you led us to victory and made us all heroes, we'd be glad to do whatever you ask. Well, you're wrong, and I'm going to prove it! I'm going to help Shinon!" Mist yelled.

"You wouldn't dare!" Ike snapped back and rose from his chair, interrupting his chess game.

"Oh, yes, I would." Mist smirked. She turned and walked out the door.

"Whatever, she wasn't that useful, anyway. I still have Rhys." Ike shrugged.

-----------------------

Isn't Ike a major jerk? That's all going to change next chapter!

-------------------------


	2. Panicked

Chapter 2: Panicked

"Ike, you're hopeless." Titania greeted him the next morning.

"Oh, hi, Titania." Ike flashed a smile.

"You act as though you are so great simply because you have Soren and I to wipe your arse every time you start soiling yourself. Well, you won't have me anymore." Titania replied.

"Wha-? Titania, you're kidding!" Ike spoke.

"So long." Titania turned and walked out the door.

Ike ran after her: "Titania! Titania! I'll triple your paycheck! Please, don't join that crowd." Ike pleaded.

Titania didn't even look back as she began to shake Shinon's hand.

-----------------------

"Admit it, Boyd, you're holding on to your control of my club just because you came up with the idea to split away and you want to be as hotshot as Ike. But you aren't good enough to be leader. You know it's tough for you to be in charge, so let me take over. I'll make your paycheck higher than everyone else's." Shinon spoke.

Boyd thought for a moment: "Yeah, it does suck having to convince people to listen to me. Alright, I'm in."

"Good. Now people, we've got Titania! Ike's been schooled, big time!" Shinon cheered.

"We've got Titania! We've got Titania! We've got Titanium... a... We've got Titania!" The Shinon Clubbers chanted.

-----------------------------

"What're we going to do? What're we gonna do? Soren, Soren, you've gotta tell me!" Ike grabbed Soren's shoulders and shook the poor mage as hard as he could. "You're my only hope!" Ike pleaded.

Soren sighed: "You brought this upon yourself, Ike. But fine, I'll formulate a plan to save us...

"Nothing personal, Soren, but I won't be part of it." Mia shook her head as she exited the room.

"Mia! I love you! Come back!" Ike groaned.

It was Rhys's turn to lose his cool: "Apologies, Ike, but I think I should leave."

"Wait, Rhys, I need your... Your... Uh... Staff! Yeah, you're cheaper than bandages!" Ike groaned.

Rhys sighed and walked away.

Soren gave himself a facepalm. "Why do I put up with you?!

"In order for me to hook you up with some chicks?" Ike offered. Soren's glare made him slowly back away.

"Oh, Lethe," Soren thought, "you were smart enough to leave when you had the chance. I owe my life to this idiotic git, so I have to help him.

"Well, Soren, what can we do now?

"You can help by being quiet!"

Ike flinched and nodded obediently .

-------------------

"Mordecai, Ranulf, I truly request that you two help Ike." Soren spoke to the two laguz. He had used a teleport staff to slowly warp to Gallia to speak with the pair

"I trust Ike. I will help him in his time of need.

"Thank you, Mordecai. What about you, Ranulf?" Soren asked

"Meh, judging by Lethe's facial expressions, she hates Ike. She's one of my best friends, and Ike, well, Ike's changed. I'll have to stick with Lethe on this one. Sorry, Soren." Ranulf replied as he walked off to Shinon's camp

Soren smacked his forehead again. "Now I've gotta find Stefan and Tormod.

-----------------

Janaff and Ulki were hovering high above the ground near the Mercenary fort.

'What's going on, Ulki? I see that there are two flags in Ike's fort.

"Wait a minute... Ike... Ike is sobbing in one of the buildings and... And Shinon is celebrating a... Revolution?! Hmn, seems to me that Shinon's won control of his own faction and Ike is too cowardly to do anything about it." Ulki replied

"I can't believe this. We'd better tell King Tibarn." Janaff shook his head as the two flew away

------------------------

"A branded must stay beside a fellow branded. I will join you." Stefan nodded when Soren made his case

"Thanks for the cookies, Soren. Muarim and I will also be by your side." Tormod smiled while munching on a cookie

"Thank Ashera for Oscar." Soren mumbled to himself

------------------------

A week later, Shinon and Soren were negotiating with Naesala on a Crimean beach

"Naesala, I'll pay you $1,000,000 to help me take out the whelp.

"I'll pay you $1,500,000 to help us take down Shinon.

"Hmn, auctioning my services, eh? Let's jack up the price a bit." Naesala crossed his arms and smiled

"$1,750,000!" Shinon yelled .

"$1,750,001!" Soren screamed .

"$1,800,000!" Shinon shouted .

"$1,800,001!" Soren bellowed .

"$2,000,000!" Shinon shouted .

"$2,000,001!" Soren roared .

"$2,999,999!" Shinon yelled .

"$2,999,999.99!" Soren screeched

"I don't have that kind of money!" Shinon panicked

"Going once, going twice, sold, to the highest bidder!" Naesala smirked and flew beside Soren

"Dang it!" Shinon rammed his head against a palm tree

--------------------

Shinon ran north to find Ilyana, and Soren was hot on his tail

When they finally caught up to her..

"Hey, Ilyana, do you like Chicken?" Shinon asked, handing her a steaming hot plate of Chicken

"Ilyana, have you ever eaten Lobster?" Soren held a plate of gourmet lobster in his hands and handed it to her

"Would you like some Cheese?

"Sausages?

"Potatoes?

"Yams?

"Steak?

"Filet Mignon?

"Baby Back Ribs?

"Bacon?

"Quail Eggs?

"Honey Roasted Peanuts?

Shinon and Soren continued stuffing her with food, and Ilyana wolfed down every single plate. When she was finally finished, she wiped her mouth and smiled. "Both of you are so nice! But... Aimee needs me, so I have to go... Here, you can have these." Ilyana handed Soren a Rexbolt tome and gave Shinon a Double Bow. She quickly scampered off to join the merchants

Soren and Shinon glanced at each other. "My retirement fund!" Soren yelled. "My life savings!" Shinon groaned

"WASTED!" They cried in unison

----------------------

After trying to get the best of one another, Soren was able to recruit Devdan (he bought half of the flowers in a floral shop to best Shinon's rose garden), Jill (he told her that Shinon would probably shoot her Wyvern if The Shinon Club won and she joined them, with her being a laguz lover and all), Haar (Soren bought him an entire bed, while Shinon bought him a very fluffy pillow), Tauroneo (Soren put nutmeg in the wine Shinon offered him), and Astrid (She was terrified of Gatrie).

Shinon recruited Brom (poisoned Soren's batch of cookies), Kieran (Informed the red knight that Oscar was on Soren's team), Volke (Offered a quarter of the profit gained from a victory over Ike), Sothe (Warned him that Tormod was helping Soren), Calill (Nepheene was already helping Shinon), Largo (Calill decided to help Shinon, so the Berserker wanted to tag along), and Reyson (Ike was outnumbered)

Shinon headed back to his camp with a sly smile on his face. Soren was incredibly worried as he trudged back to Ike's base

---------------------------


	3. Pained

Chapter 3: Pained

"So, Ike, do you want to hear some good news, or some bad ones?" Soren asked.

"Good news." Ike answered.

"Sorry, got none. Now, for bad news: Shinon's lackeys outnumber our supporters, and that's the reason why Reyson refused to help you. Naesala's on our side, but we need to pay him money after the battle, or we break the contract. Unfortunately, we don't nearly have enough money to fulfill his terms... That wretch, changing the contract AFTER I signed it..." Soren sighed.

Ike stared at Soren: "Anything else?"

Soren continued to mumble curses directed at Naesala. "Huh? Oh, well, I really can't think of anyone else we can recruit. General Tanith, Lieutenant Marcia, and her brother, Makalov, are all in Begnion, and Begnion has recently closed its borders for no apparent reason. Thus, we'll have to rely on the troops we have now, and, I admit, I don't think we have any useful units besides the former Daeins, Oscar, Rolf, Muarim, Naesala, and Mordecai, besides the two of us, of course." Soren sighed again.

"Soren, that's most of us. We should be fine. I had only eleven other guys to fight against Ashnard at Castle Crimea, and now, I have twelve guys with me, so we should be fine." Ike smiled.

"Yeah, considering that we used to have forty four people watching our backs. Now we have only twelve. We're doing very well." Soren tried to smile.

"Remember, you have the King of Kilvas with you. If you add another 100 gold, I can give you one more Raven soldier. The more gold you add, the more ravens I can spare. Have you considered that?" Naesala asked.

"See? We have reinforcements. We don't need Tanith." Ike laughed.

"Yeah, so long as they don't leave when Shinon waves his money bag at them." Soren thought.

Meanwhile, deep in Begnion...

"The Pegasus air show is going on as planned, Apostle." Lekain bowed before the Apostle Sanaki.

"Ah, I have always wanted to see our finest knights in aerial action." Sanaki smiled.

Tanith and Marcia were flying in a circular formation around Mainmal, the temple that housed the Apostle. "Eh, Commander? Remind me why we're doing this again." Marcia asked, glancing uneasily at her comrades flying elegantly above and below the pair.

Tanith glanced at her with the same emotionless expression she usually had. "Well, there is a tradition that every ten years, the honorable Pegasus knights display their aerial skill by flying in circles around the Apostle's home and the entire capital. We are upholding that tradition today, and I am proud to be flying in circles with no other purpose other than pleasing the Apostle." Tanith replied with a rare smile.

"Ok..." Marcia tried not to roll her eyes.

"Lieutenant Marcia, stop drooping below the General. Tanith, why aren't you scolding her to be back in formation?! We have to be flawless, or we dishonor our entire squadron!" Sigrun yelled at them from above.

"Marciiiaaaa!" Tanith began to snarl at the younger knight.

"Sure." Marcia squeaked uneasily as she flew back into formation beside Tanith.

"That's a good soldier." Sigrun cooed.

Tanith and Marcia glanced at eachother with disturbed looks on their faces.

------------------

"Ike... Ike! Ike, get over here! Dinner's ready!" Oscar yelled at the door of the Commander's quarters."

"Right." Ike suddenly ran out the door in his pajamas.

"My kitchen, my rules." Oscar shoved him into the dining room, where the other Mercenaries simply stared at him. Astrid even blushed a little.

"Commander... Put some pants on before I hit you, sir." Jill glared.

Soren shook his head, annoyed that Ike was making a fool of himself. Haar was too busy sleeping with Devdan admiring the beauty of his snoring, and Tauroneo's vision was blocked by his wine bottle. The other Mercenaries simply tried to stay calm and not react. "Hmn, the sausages are delicious, Oscar! I would pay you... If I had enough funds, of course." Naesala piped up. Jill and Soren turned quite green.

"Anyways, on to business." Tormod piped up. "Why, yes. Commander, how do you think we should strike the Shinon gang?" Stefan asked. The others glanced intently at Ike while the latter was still putting on his pants.

"Well," Ike began as he finally secured the last button, "I think that one of us should try to spy on what they're doing. I mean, we've got to know our enemy before we go in there and kick their butts, right? So, Muarim, I think you'd make the perfect spy. Go on, get out the door and start observing them!"

"Well, Ike, it's not that I don't want to, but they have Lethe, Ranulf, and Reyson on their side. Lethe's nose is better than most laguz, and Ranulf's nose isn't bad either. They could easily sniff me out, since I am a large tiger laguz. It's true that those beorc could hardly detect me, but I'll still be caught by those two. So, I think it's a bad idea. You might want a spy in the air... Except... Naesala has no night vision, so you'll have to wait 'till morning." Muarim spoke.

"Brother Muarim is right. We tiger laguz can easily be detected by Lethe. To have us go would be suicide." Mordecai added.

"Alright, then. Naesala, for five hundred gold, you will go and see what Shinon is doing." Ike bargained.

"It's a deal." Naesala smirked.

"Wait, are you sure we can wait for that long? Shinon might already be planning some method to sneak on us. After all, he has more people, and both thieves are on his side, so we're practically in danger at night." Jill pointed out.

"Hmn, good point, Jill. So what do you have in mind?" Soren asked, actually interested in the conversation.

"I say we make Devdan do it. No one will suspect Devdan. The guy can simply claim to be looking for nightime flowers or something. As long as some idiot like Boyd or Gatrie is on watch, we have nothing to fear!" Jill cheered.

"Then Devdan, you go." Soren ordered.

"Yes, little girl. Devdan will go right away." The 'African' Crimean spoke. The orange warrior skipped off into the distance.

"Little... Girl?!" An artery began to bulge in Soren's forehead. It took the combined efforts (and soothing compliments) of Jill and Astrid to get him to calm down.

-------------------

"Hey, Tanith..." Marcia greeted the older warrior after dinner in the latter's quarters.

"Yes, Marcia?"

Marcia's eyes wandered around the room. It was tidy, and neat, as expected from any Pegasus Knight, but there were several weapons leaning on the wall. Tanith's old Sonic Blade had been given to Mist as a gift, but there was a Silver Lance that Oscar had bought for her, as well as the Silver Sword she haggered off of Murston. But what really made Marcia surprised was the Flame Lance Ike had handed her...

Marcia remembered that day as though it were yesterday. Ike was standing in front of Castle Delbray after Lucia had firmly shaken Tanith's hand. "Hey, Tanith." He spoke. "Here's Petrine's old Flame Lance. I'm sure you'll make better use of it than Oscar or Jill."

"Thank you, General." Tanith bowed low. Seriously, it looked like a curtsy. That was quite out of character for the normally serious Tanith. Marcia smiled slightly to herself. Could there have been something more?

"Yes?" Tanith repeated, following Marcia's gaze.

"Well, um, now that the ceremony is over, shouldn't we try to visit the Greil Mercenaries?" Marcia asked.

"A shrewd decision. Let me get my things." Tanith immediately began scurrying about in her quarters. Marcia decided that it was a good time to leave.

----------------

Devdan was stooping around near the facilities of the Shinon gang. He overheard several conversations, including:

"The only thing that is keeping the whelp alive is Soren. Recruit Soren, and the Greil Mercenaries are history. We will have to find a way to have him join us." Shinon spoke.

"But what do you have in mind? Soren is honorable enough to stay beside Ike till the bitter end. Granted, he's harsh and aloof, but his heart is pure. He is willing to stand beside Ike when the latter is such an idiot, and a pest... Grrr... I do not see any method for us to woo him." Lethe sighed.

"Lethe, did it ever occur to you that Soren may actually have feelings for you?" Titania suddenly spoke.

"Feelings? For ME? Grr... Why do you say such things?" Lethe asked.

"Do you remember during one of our battles? When we were fighting Petrine, was it? Soren stood between you and a Killer Ballista even though he was risking his own life. Thankfully, the blow was not critical, and Ranulf was able to kill the Sniper who manned it, but wasn't that strange? And later, at Fort Pinell, he killed off every single enemy soldier wielding a laguz weapon who came within twenty feet of you with his Blizzard tome. And finally, in the battle of Crimea Castle, he was the one who healed you from afar so that you could hold your own against that squad of enemy Paladins on the stairs that led to Ashnard. Don't all these actions seem coincidential to you? Soren never focused on protecting any other comrade, including Ike and Stefan. He had focused his power on you." Titania pointed out.

"What is your point?" Lethe was quite surprised by now. "You should try to sneak over to Ike's camp and speak to him personally. With that tongue of yours, I'm sure that you can convince him to leave Ike and probably bring a few more of our comrades with him." Titania answered.

"I'll try. But don't expect too much..." Lethe awkwardly left the room.

"Soren likes Lethe, and Lethe is willing to set aside her stubbornness and speak to him? Devdan is quite confused." Devdan thought aloud.

"Hey, who's there?" Boyd raised his Tomahawk. "Devdan is just picking the flowers of night." Devdan replied. "Oh, but... Wait... Aren't you on Ike's side, Devdan?" Boyd asked. "Devdan is... But Devdan will not do anything bad. Devdan is a man of his word." Devdan replied. "Ok... Whatever... Shinon said that as long as anyone doesn't go through this gate, nothing will happen, so do whatever you were doin', but don't even think about getting in when I'm asleep!" Boyd glared. "Devdan will do what you wish." Devdan nodded.

------------------

The sun began to shine over the walls of the Mercenary fort. Devdan returned to base and made his report. Lethe made Soren blush, but other than that, was unsuccessful in making him defect. The other Mercenaries had just begun to get out of bed, until they saw two unidentified flying objects heading towards them.

From his side of the fort, Shinon aimed his bow at these flying objects. "Target practice." He smirked. He fired two arrows, and they both hit home. The roar of two downed aerial objects echoed throughout the fort, and two pegasus's smashed into its center. "Oh, my bad." Shinon muttered when he saw who their riders were.

Tanith stood up first, rubbing her buttocks, to Gatrie's delight. "What's going on here?! Why did you fire at us?!" She demanded. "We thought you were Ike's reinforcements." Shinon explained.

"Ike's reinforcements?! What's going on here?!" Tanith yelled. Marcia stood up, just as angry as her Commander. "I can explain: Boyd went on strike with Shinon as his advisor, and many members of the Greil Mercenaries have joined him, including Titania and Rhys. Oscar and I remain, however, in the hope that, by supporting Ike, we can restore order. Shinon has recently taken command of Boyd's faction, and his paranoia about Ike receiving reinforcements made him fire at you. Which side will you choose? Ike's, or Shinon's?" Soren asked.

"Well, Soren, my choice was made the moment Shinon released the string." Tanith snarled. Marcia nodded, but winked at Soren. "Oh, Ashera, no..." Soren gasped.

Shinon rolled his eyes, and both him and Gatire reentered their side of the Fort. "So, Tanith, welcome back." Ike smiled.

"You... You heartless monster! Why didn't you send me any letters? Why didn't you try to keep in touch?! I waited for you for this whole time, and do I get any indication that you are well?! None! You are such an insensitive brat! I can't hold back any longer! Ike, son of Greil, you will experience pain beyond that you can imagine!" Tanith raised both the Silver and Flame lances at once. "Oh, snap..." Ike muttered and bolted out of the Fort. Tanith raced after him.

Moments afterwards, the Fort's inhabitants could hear a variety of screams and howls from the unfortunate son of the former Commander. Marcia giggled: "That's just how she shows her affection." Soren, Jill, Tauroneo, and Muarim could only stare in horror at her. 


	4. Idiocy

(WARNING: THERE ARE REFERENCES TO ALCOHOL IN THIS CHAPTER, IF YOU ARE VERY ZEALOUS ON THIS SUBJECT, THEN YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, OTHERWISE, PLEASE ENJOY!)

Chapter 4: Idiocy

"I've got the perfect plan to take down the Greil Mercenaries." Shinon barked the next morning.

"Well, spit it out!" Lethe snarled.

Shinon actually spat at her before continuing. "Now, the Greil Mercenaries are full of happy go lucky whelps who never do anything wrong, correct?" He asked.

The rest of the Shinon clubbers stared at him, wondering if their leader was actually an idiot.

"Ike would do nothing wrong? Shinon, have you gone insane?" Titania asked in alarm.

"Fine, fine. I meant that Ike's FOLLOWERS would do nothing wrong, now shut it." Shinon snapped.

Titania, Lethe, and the others began to nod.

"So, we'll have a drinking competition! They won't have anyone who can stop us!" Shinon cheered. "Besides, I get a chance to drink beer." He mumbled.

"But, that old dude. What's his face? He drinks, right?" Boyd mumbled.

"What old dude? And I'm sure if he had a face, it would be far more handsome and memorable than yours." Lethe snarled.

"Whatever." Boyd began to back off.

"Then it's settled! Gatrie, go and tell Ike what we plan to do." Titania ordered.

"Yeah." Gatrie drooled as he walked off. He mumbled something about Tanith and Marcia lying down… Let's not delve any further…

-------------------------

"So, Ike." Soren spoke abruptly.

Ike was busy polishing Tanith's flame lance to listen.

"Ike…"

Ike was still polishing the lance.

"IKE!"

"Yeah?"

"Ike, I think I have a plan to take on Shinon."

"And what would that be, Soren?"

"I'm going to join them."

"WHAT?!" Ike screamed. Tanith, Oscar, Marcia, Jill, Tauroneo, Muarim, Devdan, Rolf, Mordecai, Astrid, Tormod, Stefan, and Ike immediately surrounded Soren and began to beg him to stay. Haar was asleep and Naesala was too busy counting his money to care.

"Shut it. I don't plan to leave you, per say. Haven't any of you heard of 'spying?' Or, better yet, ploys? Yes, I plan to trick Shinon's gang into thinking that I'm one of them. In the meantime, I plan to make phony plans that the rest of you should be able to counter. We should be able to defeat them that way. Once Shinon is beaten, he'll shut up, Titania will return to our side, and you'll get your reputation back, Ike. Muarim, Tauroneo, I trust that you two would make decent advisors. You're both deep thinkers, but you've just lazily made Titania and I do all the work. Now that Titania is gone, and that I have to complete this mission, you two will have to take our places." Soren spoke. The two silent warriors nodded. (1.)

Suddenly, they heard a shout: "Jill, Astrid, Marcia, Tanith! Come meet your true love, and be sure to not bring any men with you."

Jill grabbed the nearest axe. "I'll show him what 'love' I feel for that idiot." She snarled and left the room.

Marcia and Tanith both snatched a pair of silver lances and went on their way. Astrid followed them with a killer bow.

"GAAH! PLEASE! I NEED TO USE THOSE TWO! WHAT? ASTRID! DON'T HIT ME THERE! PLEASE, I NEED THAT! AAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Gatrie's screams echoed throughout the fort.

"Oh, please, what does he want?" Soren sighed as he went to see what was going on.

Gatrie was huddled in a fetal position, with each of the girls pointing their weapons at him. Tauroneo saw the situation and whistled: "When I was their age, girls were much less likely to be this violent. The times, they are a changin'."

"Gatrie, so what did you come here for?" Oscar asked.

"I… Wanted… To tell Ike… Somethin'." Gatrie panted.

"Spit it out." Soren's eyes narrowed.

Gatrie was in too much pain to spit. "Shinon… Plans… To… Ow… Compete… Over drinking beer…" He moaned.

"Beer? Excellent!" Tauroneo stroked his beard.

"That's right, Tauroneo. You can drink beer, can't you?" Soren asked.

Tauroneo smirked: "How could I call myself a knight if I don't drink beer? Half of my blood concentration is alcohol! I'm more than qualified to represent our side in this competition." (2.)

"Then let's go!" Jill kicked the moaning Gatrie aside and marched out. Everyone else quickly followed her. Astrid, noticing that Gatrie was in pain, felt sorry for him, and had Haar and Oscar carry the knight along. Haar, having mastered sleepwalking since childhood, was quickly able to sleep and carry Gatrie at the same time.

The Greil Mercenaries and the Shinnon clubbers met in the center pavilion of the Mercenary Fort. "So, Ike, who is your champion?" Shinon taunted.

"Tauroneo, get out there and make us proud!" Ike cheered and pushed the old General to the front.

Tauroneo glanced at Shinon: "So, a youth like you challenges me? I should let you know, I tend to get drunk after drinking thirty bottles. How do you fare?"

"Um, er..." Shinon began to sweat. For the first time ever, the red haired sniper was humbled.

"No matter, let us have a good match." Tauroneo smirked.

"Yep, TO BEER!" Shinon raised the first bottle.

"To beer." Tauroneo nodded.

The two lunatics immediately began chugging.

Soren and Titania were appointed as judges, so they watched them chug large quanties of alcohol. Since nothing seemed to be happening, they decided to chat.

Titania spoke first: "Soren, it would be an honor if you were to join the Shinon Club."

"Titania, your return to the Greil Mercenaries would be a joyous occassion." Soren smirked.

"Gah, looks like we can't recruit you, can we?"

"Sorry, I'm loyal to Ike."

"Hic, I gotta new rule! Whoever gets drunk first, hic, ends up having to make his commander give five members to the opposing force. Hic, that means that if I lose, the Shinon clubbers give five members back to the Greil Mercenaries. And, if Tauroneo loses, the Greil Mercenaries have five more members defect. Makes both our jobs easier." Shinon smirked.

"I suspect that we both know who will not win." Tauroneo smiled.

"Yeah... Hic..." Shinon hiccupped.

"What is your leader thinking?" Soren sighed. Titania glanced at him: "I have no idea, but I hope that Tauroneo won't be able to hold his liquor. Though, considering his experience, that seems unlikely..."

"So, you admit that Shinon is wrong!"

"True..."

"If Shinon is wrong about Tauroneo not being able to beat him, then is Shinon wrong about leaving the Greil Mercenaries in the first place? Besides, we know that Boyd is always wrong, so Boyd was wrong about creating your faction. Hah, Titania, you admit to this, do you not?"

"Soren, anything is possible. Could it have been possible that Boyd was right for once in his life by leaving the Greil Mercenaries, and that Shinon was right in taking over for Boyd and leading our clubbers? You once said that Ike was incompetent, and it is clear that he is, considering that you are the glue that holds the Greil Mercenaries together, not him. Granted, your harsh demeanor and such make everyone dislike you to some degree, but in the end, we know that you have both a good heart and a wise mind. However, Ike has betrayed all of our impressions of him. He was a brave and resourceful leader who was able to lead us through many a terrible sortie, but now, he's a pompous and cocky idiot. If you were to join us, we could continue the glory that Greil established with our original Mercenaries. Greil's daughter is far more noble than his son, and your wounds would be worth it under her banner." Titania spoke.

"Wait, what does Mist have to do with the Shinon club?" Soren asked.

Titania smiled: "Mist and Shinon are going steady."

Soren almost fainted. "Going steady?!"

"Not so loud!"

"Wouldn't Rolf be jealous?"

"He's a mere boy. Shinon is a man. Rolf may be a prodigy, but Shinon has more experience, is more handsome and 'developed,' and, moreover, is much more mature than Rolf." Titania smirked.

"Mature?! Shinon likes to insult people day and night! He is a pompous git, and I would personally wring his neck if I had the chance, or if I had stronger muscles." Soren sighed.

"Well, if that doesn't convince you, we have Lethe, and Lethe hates Ike. She has nothing against the rest of your comrades, and neither do the rest of us. Shinon may disapprove of you personally, but even he realizes that you are such a talent, and that not having you in our army makes it so much harder to get organized and efficient." Titania spoke.

"Using her as bait, aren't you? There are other ways to woo a girl besides helping her take down the man she hates. Anyways, I owe Ike a lot, you of all people should know why." Soren replied.

"But Soren, you paid your debt a long time ago. You've been a great friend to Ike, a greater friend than he deserves. You've done so much, but has he honored you for your exploits? No, he has not. So, since he is so thankless, and since you are such a noble soul, you would be the perfect person for the Shinon Club. With you by our sides, we could probably become the Shinon Mercenaries!" Titania smiled.

At that moment, Shinon collapsed, and Tauroneo was emptying his fourtieth bottle. "Madam, may I have this dance?" He asked Jill. The girl glanced at the older man with surprise: "Um, sir, are you ok?" "My love, your fair red hair makes me feel like the glory of the sun is shining upon me. So, my dear... Um..." Tauroneo couldn't remember the lovely girl's name.

"Jill..." Jill answered him, quite disturbed by now.

"My dear Jill, wilt thou marry me?" He asked. She began to blush as he held her hands together in his, and began to kiss her hands. She began to giggle, for he was a little funny, in a way. However, the old man went from kissing her hands to kissing her arm, and was moving up. Now Jill was beginning to feel disturbed, and tried to kick the General's chest, to no avail.

"My love, thy beauty outshines the sun. Wilt thou marry me?" Tauroneo repeated.

Haar, who had already put Gatrie on the ground and went back to sleep, snapped awake. He saw how Tauroneo was disturbing all observers by kissing Jill on the neck, and making her squirm. Haar saw that Jill was ready to scream, so he groggily stood up and shouted: "She's mine! GET OFF OF HER!"

The drunk and lovestruck Tauroneo glanced at Haar, and the later grabbed the Brave Axe and charged at him. Tauroneo, drunk as heck, took off Jill's shoulder guard and thought that it was a short spear. He immediately began to use it to block Haar's weapon. "Good lad, she is my love, and I will take good care of the beauty. You need not feel alarmed." Tauroneo spoke.

"Snap out of it, old man!" Haar whacked Tauroneo in the face with tremendous force, using the blunt side of the Brave Axe, of course. Tauroneo immediately collapsed, and was out cold. "That makes me sleepy." Haar yawned, and collasped onto the floor beside his victim.

Jill looked down at Haar: "Hmn, this one's hopelessly lazy." She then glanced at Tauroneo: "When this one's sober, he's actually a sweet guy... But he's a little old..." She muttered.

"Looks like Jill's got several guys falling for her. If only I had that luck with women..." Gatrie groaned.

And so, Ike could now choose who he wanted to rejoin the Greil Mercenaries.

"And I choose Nepheene..."

"Oh, fiddlesticks!" Nepheene moaned.

"Mia..."

"What?!" Mia gasped.

"Rhys..."

"Must I?" Rhys sighed.

"Kieran..."

"Blast it!"

"And, Titani..."

Before Ike could finish the name, Ranulf, who realized that Titania's return to the Greil Mercenaries would doom the Shinon club, shoved Sothe in front of the redhead.

"a..."

"My name's not Titania, it's Sothe." Sothe glared.

"Sothe?!" Ike gasped. "Dang it, fine, Sothe, welcome."

"Well, I guess I'm speechless. We lost Kieran, Rhys, and Mia. Well, guess you get the last laugh, Soren." Titania shook her head and walked away.

Soren couldn't erase his smile, no matter how hard he tried.

-----------------------

1. I made a pun! Silent Warriors is a title of a oneshot I wrote on this site. Guess who the characters of the oneshot are? I've gotten more hits than I anticipated for the fic, so I don't mind if you guys figure it out before reading it. None the less, why don't you pay it a visit? It's pretty short.

2. Note, Tauroneo is doing illegal activities, since his BAC is so high. Kids, do not attempt to follow Tauroneo's example. Be like me. Don't drink to begin with! 


	5. The Shinon Mercenaries

Chapter 5: The Shinon Mercenaries 

"Now, Ike, with our new recruits, you have to act differently towards them. I honestly don't care what you say about the Shinon clubbers, but among the Greil Mercenaries, you will be cordial. Understand?" Soren glared at the incompetent commander.

"Mmn kay, Soren." Ike smiled sweetly.

"Elena and Gawain couldn't have been cousins, could they? No, they weren't... Mist is quite smart. But, it's probably because Ike was adopted. Ike has blue hair. His mother had purple hair and his father had brown hair. I do not understand how that works. Mist's hair is brown, so she makes sense, but Ike? Ike must have been adopted... That has to be it..." Soren muttered to himself.

----------------

"We lost Kieran, Mia, and Rhys. Grr... Bad tidings indeed." Lethe growled softly.

"Not really. The three of them were impressed into Ike's forces. They'll come back to us once we kick some mercenay arse." Shinon smirked.

"But we can't just say we'll kick Mercenary arse, can we?" Titania smiled.

"LET'S GO!" The Shinon Clubbers yelled in unison.

--------------

"Devdan sees enemy coming." Devdan spoke.

"Mr. Spock, we need more power..." Ike spoke. (1.)

Soren glared at him, and rolled his eyes: "Captain, you are a useless twit."

"How dare you? I am Kirk, of the ISS Enterprise, and I shall kick Kilngon arse from all over the galaxy!" Ike struck a dramatic pose.

"Klingon? Galaxy? Enterprise? Um, Soren, what the heck is Ike talking about?"

"Do you really want to know, Mia?"

"You're right, I don't. Ok." Mia smiled.

"Mr. Spock," Ike spoke while looking at Soren, "I will leave you in charge. My phaser here should hold off the enemy."

Soren rolled his eyes: "Yes, Captain."

Ike walked out the door, towards the Shinon Clubbers.

-------------

"Ike, surrender!" Titania shouted.

"Klingon bastards, you killed my son!" Ike screamed. He raised Ragnell and slashed in Titania's direction. She screamed as a huge blue wave of energy smashed into her.

"A phaser indeed..." Rhys began to stroke his staff.

"You're lucky it was on stun, Klingon fool!" Ike laughed, raising Ragnell again.

"Ike, have you gone mad? Oh, what am I saying? You were always mad. Everyone, charge!" Titania shouted.

The Enemy Draws Near Plays

"Guys, we have help Ike!" Soren shouted.

"Do we?" Kieran moaned.

"Yes." Soren sighed.

"K." Kieran nodded.

-----------------

In seconds, Mia suddenly turned traitor and unleashed Astra on Haar, giving him another reason to snooze. Rhys started healing the Shinon Clubbers, so Tauroneo had to lance him into submission.

Nepheene was successfully recruited by Boyd, so she immediately attacked and took down Devdan. Jill took her out, but was hit by Calill's Tornado and fell. Brom was taken down by Soren, and the black-haired mage scored a critical when he fired at Volke. Sothe was quickly taken down by Calill, and soon, Soren and Calill were in battle. However, Calill lost. Shinon recruited Tormod by threatening him, and Muarim ended up attacking Shinon. Ranulf, who went to help Shinon, ended up engaging Muarim. The green tiger roared, and scored a critical, and took out Ranulf, but Shinon twirled an arrow and fired, and this helped to take down Muarim.

Soren could not bring himself to hurt Lethe. And she also felt the same likewise. Thus, the two decided to ignore each other and beat up everyone else. Soren took out Largo, while Lethe beat up Kieran.

Gatrie stepped towards Tauroneo, who raised his spear. The two generals fought an epic battle. Tauroneo whacked Gatrie several times with his spear, and Gatrie poked Tauroneo with his sword. After several mutual whacking, Tauroneo twirled his spear and stabbed Gatrie at a special angle below the waist, and Gatrie screamed and went down. But, Tauroneo realized that he was too late. Shinon was victorious!

How did Shinon win?

With Soren not attacking Lethe, the cat was able to take out several of Soren's weaker comrades. Shinon took out Naesala, even though the latter put up a good fight. The Kilvas ravens they 'borrowed' were also defeated by one man: Shinon. Even Rolf could not face his master. Marcia was hit by Shinon's bow, and Tanith was able to take out Reyson, Tormod, Titania, and Boyd, but was brought down by Lethe. Of course, Stefan had fought with Zihark, and won, but he was so weak from his fight that Lethe easily took him out. Finally, with Soren and Ike alone, and Tauroneo preoccupied with bashing Gatrie, Lethe realized that she had to fight Soren in order to rip Ike apart, and Soren realized that he had to beat Lethe in order to take out Shinon. So, the two resigned, and walked off together. Ike had a showdown with Shinon, and with one arrow, Shinon took out his weaker counterpart.

And so, Ike was forced to stand before all of the heroes and shout: "Shinon, I suck. You rock, and you deserve to be the leader."

Thus, a new Mercenary group was formed:

"Everyone! Here is our new roster!" Shinon gladly exclaimed. Lethe and Soren ran away to Gallia together, so they were not a part of the new Mercenary band. Naesala flew off to Kilvas, but Marcia, Jill, Tanith, Haar, and Tauroneo all gave up their previous ranks and joined this band. Ranulf, Muarim, Reyson, Mordecai, Calill, Largo, Brom, and Tormod went their seperate ways, and never returned to join this mercenary band.

The Shinon Mercenaries:

Founder: Greil (Of the Greil Mercenaries)

Commanding officer: Captain Shinon (Of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Second in command: Captain Mist (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Third in command: Commander Titania (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Fourth in command: Commander Oscar (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Fifth in command: Commander Tauroneo (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Roster of staff:

Deputy Commander Tanith (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Deputy Commander Stefan (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Deputy Commander Jill (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Deputy Commander Zihark (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Assistant Deputy Commander Haar (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Assistant Deputy Commander Kieran (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Assistant Deputy Commander Boyd (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Assistant Deputy Commander Gatrie (of the Shinon Mercenaries

Lieutenant Commander Astrid (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Lieutenant Commander Marcia (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Lieutenant Nepheene (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Lieutenant Mia (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Lieutenant Rhys (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Master Sergeant Rolf (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Sergeant Makalov (of the Shinon Mercenaries) (2)

Corporal Devdan (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

Several unnamed trainees hold the ranks of Corporal and Private.

Lowest rank: Maid Ike (of the Shinon Mercenaries)

---------------

Shortly after the Shinon Mercenaries were established, Mist and Shinon were married, and had eleven children. They did not have Ike's blessing, but they had Tauroneo's blessing, and who gave a shoot about Ike's opinon, anyways? So, the two were quite a merry couple, in charge of so many people.

Tauroneo proposed to Titania after he saved her from several crazy bandits with swords. Even though she outranked him, she said 'yes,' but he still had to listen to her commands in battle, even though she was his wife.

Ragnell was given to Mist, and to everyone's surprise (except Shinon's), she wielded it much more efficiently than her brother. Its laser (blue wave attack) capability allowed her to take out scores of enemies at once.

Tanith proposed to Ike, and he said 'yes.' Their relationship was quite the reverse of Tauroneo and Titania's marriage, or Shinon and Mist's. Tanith was the 'husband,' and Ike was the 'wife.' Tanith would come home ordering Ike to make dinner, and he would have to comply. Though she was pregnant, Tanith still slew several people on the battlefield. After giving birth, Tanith immediately went off to battle, while Ike took care of the child. The child also inheritied Tanith's last name, and Ike had to change his last name to Tanith's.

Mia wanted to marry Rhys, but Rhys was a priest. Mia thus became a nun to be just like Rhys, but she was quickly kicked out for drinking alcohol, bad language, and trashing the church with her sword.

After seeing Mist marry Shinon, Rolf had himself castrated, because he felt that Mist was the only girl for him, and since she is taken, he has no purpose left in life, except to serve her unquestioningly.

And so, those were the lives of the important Shinon mercenaries, and oh, Oscar married Astrid and Boyd married Nepheene. Yes, that's about it.

Remember, everyone: DO NOT GET COCKY!

FIN.

------------------

1. And so, the mandatory humorist Star Trek arc begins.

2. Marcia asked Shinon to let Makalov in, and Shinon decided to be nice and give Makalov a post higher than Devdan, because Makalov is less weird than Devdan.


End file.
